Rock'em Sock'em Kittens
by KBJones
Summary: Button of Doom reference.  What was the evil plot regarding Rock'em Sock'em Kittens?  They were as cute as they were deadly.  7 short chapters.  Pre-Movie.  Is it possible he might actually WIN?  BWAHAHAHAHA!
1. Chapter 1

"Meow," went the tiny kitten bot prototype with the huge, expressive eyes. It rubbed it's body against Megamind's leg, purring. It had a large head with disproportionately huge eyes. It's body was covered in a knit material, similar to a sock, only with hearts and sparkles worked into the material. It's hard, robotic skeleton was padded with plush foam and cotton fill. It was wearing a tiny faux leather jacket and had a slot to insert an ipod in its back. Megamind reached down to stroke the sickenly adorable bot, which promptly rolled over on its belly to batt at his hand playfully.

"Well, Minion, is it cute enough? Do the eyes need to be bigger? Is it's body soft enough? Are its antics disarmingly endearing?"

"It looks adorable to me sir."

"Good. Now let's add the claws and teeth."

**BWAHAHAHA! To be continued...**


	2. Chapter 2

"The newest toy fad flying of the shelves this Christmas season is Rock'em Sock'em Kittens. Local retailers can hardly keep them stocked. It seems like every child in Metro City between 3 and 12 is dreaming of having one under the tree this year. The adorable toy kittens have a wide range of pre- programmed interactions and can learn to respond to their names and obey simple voice commands. A port for your iPod allows the toy to both play and dance to your child's favorite music.

"In response to this unprecedented popularity, Mega Fun Toys has ramped up production and promises to have enough of the toys available to meet the demand by early next week. It's also announced plans to donate a truckload of the popular toys to Metro City's Toys for Tots drive that provides Christmas toys to children whose families would otherwise be unable to afford them.

"It looks like this year will be a Rock'em Sock'em Christmas.

"This is Roxanne Ritchi. Back to you Phil."

"Aaaand we're off," Hal Stewart said as he lowered his camera, "So, Roxie, I got you a Christmas present." Hal holds out a box wrapped in Christmas paper featuring evergreens in the snow decorated with red heart ornaments.

"Oh, that's so sweet of you Hal. Thank you." she says as she accepts the gift awkwardly.

"So, I was wondering if you'd like to go grab a coffee or something."

"Oh, I'm sorry, Hal, I really need to get home. Maybe another time. Thanks so much for the present." she smiles and makes her escape from the toy store they'd used for the backdrop of their report.

"Oh, sure," says Hal. "I need to finish some Christmas shopping anyway. Later."


	3. Chapter 3

"You know, sir, I have some misgivings about this plan."

"Yes, I know. Cute robots aren't exactly our normal style, but it is deviously evil. No one will ever suspect these fiendishly adorable robots are dangerous until it's too late."

"Yes, I actually think this evil plan has a much better chance of working than most of your schemes, sir. But, do we really want it to work? These kittens are dangerous and they'll be threatening children! You never threaten children, sir."

"Oh, don't be such a worry fish. They have to be deadly, or else they won't motivate Metro Man to eliminate them. He'll get them all before any of Metrocity's precious children get hurt and that'll get us just what we need. Are the other dolls ready?"

"Yes sir."


	4. Chapter 4

Roxanne Ritchi sits at the counter in her kitchen. She sips her eggnog and contemplates tomorrow's holiday. Her family will all be gathering at her parents this year and she's looking forward to seeing them. She hasn't seen her brothers in months.

She turns her attention to three wrapped gifts she'd received from her co-workers this year. She'd decided to unwrap them tonight. She loves Christmas and, as a kid, had always begged her parents until they finally allowed her to open just one gift the night before. As an adult, she doesn't have to beg, but still takes a little guilty pleasure in opening some of her gifts early.

She unwraps the smallest one first. It's from her boss. A gift certificate to a local steakhouse. The second gift, from her "Secret Santa" at work is revealed to be a very pretty set of leather gloves. She's pleased because she'd lost a glove last time she was kidnapped and hadn't gotten around to buying a replacement pair. Thinking about that kidnapping, she realizes that she's due for another one anytime now and Christmas _would_ be an obvious day for it. Three of her last four Christmases started out with a morning tied to a chair. Maybe, if she leaves early enough, she'll give the villain the slip this year. She really wants to spend the day with her family tomorrow.

The last present is from Hal. She isn't really sure she wants to know what he's given her, but with a sigh she begins to unwrap it anyway. At worst it'll be something creepy and inappropriate.

"Huh," she says, "A Rock'em Sock'em Kitten. How cute." She spends the next half hour playing with the little plush kitten robot and teaching it _tricks_ according to the instructions that came in the box. She's impressed with the toy. Most toy robots don't really live up to their hype, but this little kitten really acts like a cat. It reminds her of something, but she can't quite put her finger on what.


	5. Chapter 5

Christmas Eve in Metro City:

Megamind climbs to the top of Metro Tower and calls into the wind, "Metro Mahn. I'm waiting for you. Metro Mahn. Come to me and see what I have in store for Metrocity tomorrow morning!"

"It's Metro City, Megamind," says a deep voice right behind him, making the villain jump and stumble on his cape.

Megamind recovers and answers, "Oh, tomato, potato. You know what I mean, you brainless pile of muscle."

Ignoring that, MetroMan asks, "What fiendish evil have you unleashed upon the innocent citizens of this fair city this time, Megamind?"

"Oh, nothing you can't handle, Metro Mahn. I'm sure," replied Megamind, "After all, they're only kittens."

"Kittens?" asks the confused hero.

"Yes. Just cute. Little. Kittens." Megamind smiles, "Would you like to meet one?"

"Uh.."

Megamind crouches down, "Here, kitty, kitty," he croons, "Come to Daddy."

"Meow," answers a small voice hidden among the framework of the tower's spire. Out comes a small figure. A toy kitten. It has a small body, large head, and huge eyes. It's light blue sock covering is sprinkled with sparkling lightning bolts and it wears a black leather jacket with tiny spikes on the shoulders. It comes to its Daddy and rubs against his leg, purring loudly.

"Terrifying, isn't it?"

"Uh, that wouldn't be the word I would have chosen, no."

"Ah, but you haven't heard the best part. These little bots are the latest toy sensation. Every little urchin in the city has begged their parents for one for Christmas. There's one under nearly every tree in the city. They're the most popular thing in the city. Even more popular than you, hero. I hear there's a whole warehouse downtown full of your toys that wouldn't sell. I've even been charitable and donated a whole truckload to the city's Toys for Tots drive. For some children, these adorable little fluffballs will be the only toy they're getting this year."

"So, your fiendish plan is to beat me on holiday sales?"

"Hardly. Although, I do take some satisfaction in that. I'm surprised, you haven't asked me what they do. And I was so eager to show you."

The hero sighs and crosses his arms over his massive chest, "Fine. What do they do?"

Megamind picks up his lovable little creation and gives it an affectionate scratch behind the ear. It squirms in a pleasing manner and gazes up at Metro Man with its deep, liquid eyes. Megamind holds the kitten out to Metro Man who reluctantly takes it. The cat purrs and squirms, attempting to get closer to the hero.

"Now," says Megamind, "Kitty bot. Kill."


	6. Chapter 6

The tiny kitten bot's eyes turn red and a metallic "snick" can be heard as it unsheaths it's razor blade claws. It opens its surprisingly large mouth, lined with vicious bear-trap teeth and hisses at the hero. Metro Man watches it, unimpressed, as it launches itself at his head and rips and tears at his face, throat, and eyeballs. Unsurprisingly, the vicious thing does no damage to the hero and he calmly puts one finger to the side of his head as he activates his laser vision to melt the not-so-adorable kitty into slag.

"You do remember I'm invulnerable, don't you, Megamind?" Metro Man asks, looking with distaste at the long rents the thing's claws have made in his hero suit.

Megamind is unfazed and still smiling. "Oh, I know, Metro Mahn. But the city's children aren't. This evil plan isn't about destroying you. It's about tarnishing that shining hero reputation of yours. You see, there are half a million of those toys sitting under trees right now. They're pre-programmed to go all psycho when they're unwrapped anytime after 6 am tomorrow morning. You have until then to gather them all up, every single one, and destroy them."

"That's it? I have super speed, Megamind. It'll be a long night, but I can do it."

"Oh, no doubt you can. But think what that will mean Christmas morning. All those children without their most-wanted present. Some without any present at all. And all because of _you_, Metro Man. Sneaking in at night and stealing their Christmas. Hahahahah! It'll be precious!"

"You villain!"

"I know," he grinned, "Now run along, _Hero_ before I decide to activate them ahead of time."

The Metro Man flew off at super speed, leaving Megamind to make his escape.

**Has anyone noticed that in the movie, Metro Man always puts his hand to the side of his head, Cyclops-style, before activating his laser vision? **


	7. Chapter 7

Roxanne wakes bright and early on Christmas morning, determined to be out the door and out of Megamind's reach before the villain can send Minion out with the knock-out spray. As she's putting on her coat she notices something next to her mini-Christmas tree. A plush Metro Man doll. _That's strange_, she thought, _Where's my kitten_?

0o0o0o0o

Roxanne was not the only citizen of Metro City who woke up Christmas morning to find a Metro Man doll in place of their Rock'em Sock'em Kitten. There were many disappointed children and confused parents until Metro Man released a statement explaining what had happened. Not content to simply steal the children's toys as Megamind had intended him to, the hero had acquired, at the last minute and paying through the nose, a stock of unsold Metro Man dolls to replace the kittens. Though not entirely satisfactory to the children who had been looking forward to Rock'em Sock'em Kittens, this substitution was accepted and the hero praised for his forethought.

0o0o0o0o

A week later, once Metro Man's check had cleared, M Industries (a division of Mega Fun Toys) announced the recall of all half million Metro Man dolls sold in Metro City due to lead paint used on the doll's face. Customers were advised to dispose of the dolls immediately and mail a copy of their receipt to M Industries for a full refund. No refund requests were ever received. Mega Fun Toys quietly folded, liquidating its assets, and disappearing as if it never existed.

o0o0o0o0

"Sir, your evil plan actually worked."

"You sound surprised, Minion."

"I...uh...no sir. I knew you could do it," the fish grinned.

"And now, Minion, between the sales of the Kitten Bots and the Metro Mahn dolls, we almost have enough funds to launch the orbital death ray! Then we'll see if Mr. Invincible can withstand the full, concentrated power of THE SUN!"

**Okay, I know he's not actually supposed to win. But how on earth does he fund all his evil schemes? I figure Metro Man foils all his ultimate evil plans, but I figure there's a lot of prep work involved that he doesn't really mess with. So, I think his financial schemes are generally pretty successful. It's just his killing-Metro-Man-and-becoming-evil-overlord schemes that never work. And this is more of a financial scheme than anything else. So, by my logic, it can succeed. **

**Sorry there's no Roxanne kidnapping. I tried to work one in, but it just wasn't necessary. I put her in some anyway, but she got to have a kidnapping-free Christmas that year, which I figure she appreciated. **

**Sorry for all the typos in this story. I was posting it kinda on the fly and I was also very tired. Sorry. I'll do better next time. **:)

**Reviews make me happy.**


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